Oh_My!!

I wrote my last post, what feels like forever ago… Revisiting it only proved one thing since the night I’ve written it,

I’m so hopelessly in love with you,
Your eyes,
Your smile,
Your touch,
Your voice,
Your laugh,
You.

No matter what anybody says… Getting your heart broken is the worst thing in the world.. To experience that feeling… That gut wrenching emptiness, I wants no part of this, please. I can’t even take a deep breathe without feeling like my heart is falling out of my mouth… My chest is so heavy & I don’t feel anything. Not even my heart beating… I am really broken right now, at 2:28am on the 13th, sitting here in this car. I am looking at a hole in my chest, I don’t feel my own skin, I don’t know what this is…. I’m not familiar with this, my legs feel frail… Can’t really move, so I’m going to torture myself… By sitting here & reflect… Reflect on those days where I was the happiest man on this planet, this earth… *sighs* I won’t ever be the same again, I can’t. Not even if I tried… I really lost something today, something deep, something comfortable, something unexplainable… It wasn’t a dream, it was real.. Oh so real & now it’s gone.. No other way to say it. It’s. Gone. Wait… I could lie to myself till I wake up & think I’m over it… Who am I kidding that shit isn’t gonna work, all I would be doing is setting myself up to fall right back in this place…this seat unexpectedly & break down because of a fragile facade I created. I desperately would give anything…. ANYTHING to get it back, that’s a part of me I need. I need my heart so so desperately… How can I move forward in a life without a heart? I’d be cheating on everything from here on out because my passion, my spark, my me…. Me is gone ….. & the scariest & most disappointing part in all of this. I don’t know if I’ll ever.. Ever get it back …..

So much on my mind. Too much on my mind. I’m battling for love & I have no clue where to begin… Imagine someone you love so much- so upset, they act like a stranger. How, how do you approach that? How do you solve that? By far this shit is literally impossible to solve.. No easy answers what so ever. But I’m going to keep trying, not because I’m insane, but because this love I have is so important to me. This love has gotten me out of bad days, rainy days, days where you just cry because your so frustrated..days, this love has given hope in a way I’ve never seen it before.. So that’s why I’m fighting for it. I’m gonna keep fighting til I can’t anymore…